You Deserve More: Hire a Doula
This time last year, I was deep in the pit of new parenthood wondering when my body, mind, and heart would truly be ready to give other families the kind of energy they deserve during some of the most transformative moments of their life. And, here I am now…
Doula bags always packed. Breastmilk in the freezer for my little guy. Camera bag ready to roll. On-call childcare situated on the daily. Brain beautifully packed with doula experiences, knowledge, and truly life-altering moments. I have witnessed quite a few births in 2021, and I feel more prepared than ever to share what support I have to offer future Wind & Water families.
It’s tricky to know where to begin and what to share. After I witness birth, I often fill my car with gas or go to the grocery store, depending on the time of day- some mundane activities in contrast to the extraordinary- as a way to solidify the f$#*ing magic of a human entering the world. So I’ll start here, in reflection…“What’s on top for you, today?” - a question I often ask my clients at the start of our prenatal visits. Based on what I’ve witnessed, I’ve got A LOT on my mind. But, what’s on top? How much every birthing person deserves more. Every birthing person AND support partner deserves more, and I feel this truth in my bones!
You deserve…
WHOLE BODY, whole family prenatal SUPPORT,
An EMPOWERING , NONJUDGMENTAL LABOR & BIRTH experience, AND
TO BE HELD in the postpartum bodily/ familial transformation.
Every. Single. Person. Deserves this AT A MINIMUM, and unfortunately, the medical industrial complex is a riptide current against it all. It’s a whole lot of jacked up- leaving me to meditate through it in my car before I head into hospitals to support families. I find that I have to bring in the right kind of fire in my belly. I’ve got to tell you, too, that there are nurses and midwives and doctors, on the inside, with the good kind of fire in their bellies, working against the current. Most of them seem burnt out but not burnt out enough to dismiss what families deserve. These are the folks that have welcomed my doula support with eager arms and hearts. I know as soon as I enter the room who they are, and your gut knows it, too!
I think it may be worth sharing a bit of what I’ve witnessed, to highlight my own learning and growth, but also to just to share in general. We've got to talk about what birthing people deserve- especially people within traditionally marginalized groups, BIPOC and LGBTQ+ folks in particular. One evidence-based way for families to experience better outcomes, regardless of what setting a family chooses to labor & birth in, is to hire a doula.
The Bottom Line from Evidence-Based Birth:
“Of all the ways birth outcomes could be improved, continuous labor support seems like one of the most important and basic needs for birthing people. Providing labor support to birthing people is both risk-free and highly effective. Evidence shows that continuous support can decrease the risk of Cesarean, the use of medications for pain relief, and the risk of a low five minute Apgar score. Labor support also increases satisfaction and the chance of a spontaneous vaginal birth. Continuous support may also shorten labor and decrease the use of Pitocin. Although continuous support can also be offered by birth partners, midwives, nurses, or even some physicians, research has shown that with some outcomes, doulas have a stronger effect than other types of support persons. As such, doulas should be viewed by both parents and providers as a valuable, evidence-based member of the birth care team.”
If you’re thinking about hiring a doula, do it, and please know that most of us don’t just support certain families in specific scenarios.
I’ve supported families in hospitals, a birth center, and home births. I have supported birthing people through medicated and unmedicated vaginal births, emergency cesareans, and planned (gentle) cesareans in the OR. I’ve worked with folks who have labored at home until their cervix dilated to 6cm after only 4 hours of labor, and I’ve provided support to families who have labored at home at a consistent 1cm for 36+ hours. I’ve worked with midwifery teams, CPMs, CNMs, OBs, residents, RNs, student nurses, and all sorts of family members.
I’ve witnessed spontaneous labor and almost every type of induction method, including but not limited to Pitocin, nipple stimulation, Misoprostol, Cervidil, amniotic rupture of membranes, membrane sweeps, herbal tincture, and castor oil. I’ve supported people as they navigate discomfort in labor and weigh the benefits and risks of an epidural, therapeutic rest with morphine, IV fluids, or nitrous oxide. Some folks have opted to continue with hydrotherapy, acupressure, massage, movement, stillness, meditation, fluid intake, breathing, and holding their loved one close for increased oxytocin and support.
I’ve witnessed family’s birthing preferences about to be blatantly ignored or disrespected, while I glance over at the birthing person or birth partner with encouragement- and they say exactly what they need, even if it takes some churning- the self-advocacy gives me the chills every time I see it in action. I see the prenatal prep come to life in the moment, and I feel so pumped to witness it. I’m always willing to step in when needed, but when I think about the mentorship involved in this guiding work, it’s the family’s ability to advocate for their needs that makes this work truly worth it. That’s where the real magic is.
In the immediate postpartum, I’ve seen families forego medically routine offerings like circumcision, and I’ve seen other families opt in. I’ve witnessed the birthing person-baby-dyad jump right into breastfeeding, and I’ve also worked with families to build a feeding support team that will help them navigate the challenging feeding journey in the moment and when they return home. I’ve seen folks take a quick gander and happily say goodbye to their placenta and others who have looked at its intricacies and opted to encapsulate it or eat it in a smoothie.
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, cool, cool, Jen! All pretty cool stuff! But why does this matter? Because these, and many more, are moments I hold in my head and my body. Because you deserve a witness.
I was resting in the middle of the night with a family, say around 3am, when a resident came into the room, woke up my client, and loudly said, “How about we break your water?” My client was already 6cm dilated, had just received an epidural, and was really hoping for some much needed rest. As the resident entered the room, I jumped to my client’s bedside, breathing deeply, sending ‘I believe so much in you’ energy to my client and her baby and her partner, paying attention to every word that was uttered by the provider. I watched my client’s heart rate and blood pressure shift during the conversation. My client, half asleep, but still armed in true birthing bad-assery, asked if there was any medical indication for her body or baby to need this intervention, just like we practiced during our prenatal visits. The resident replied, “No, not really. Usually, most people just want to move things along at this point.” Any time you hear the words MOVE THINGS ALONG, it’s a giant red flag. My client said no to the unnecessary intervention which has plenty of risks that we didn’t even need to explore. We decided as a support team that it would be best for us to not see that provider again through the remainder of this family’s labor experience. A few hours later, my client said, ”I’m ready to push, and I’m only going to do this for 15 minutes.” Fifteen minutes after pushing, her baby was born into her arms, and she cried the coolest tears of joy, relief, family, and strength. Before I left this family, the birthing mom with happy tears in her eyes so genuinely shared, “Jen, I’m so glad you were here.” I still think about that moment often.
Even if I was just another energy in that room, even if you knew that there was one person in the room who would provide continuous support and belief in you, who is truly there for you, who would hold you psychically, energetically, physically, emotionally…when others in the room might (and usually do) have a different agenda…how flippin’ righteous would that be?! There is a lot to navigate in the birth world. A doula can help tremendously.
I’ve witnessed more than what I can fit in a few paragraphs, but I share the bits that highlight how I am open to supporting families with different desires, stories, experiences. If we’re a good fit for each other, I’m already excited to connect- to explore with you what you deserve.
The few days that follow my birth support are often very contemplative for me. I find myself drifting mentally in and out of the experience and looking differently at each person I encounter. Like holy s^%*! You were BORN! You teetered on the edge of life and death between one world and the next. You did it- in some sort of way…maybe traumatic…maybe peaceful…unfortunately, you probably deserved more. It’s a special kind of perspective that I feel privileged to walk around with. And as a birth worker, I am still working to find ways to healthily process the experiences that are not mine but that I am there to witness. It’s a lot. The work of a doula continues beyond the moment when we decide together that it’s all good for me to step out and return to my own family. I do walk around with your stories and experiences, and I am grateful for your trust in me with the heavy and the light.
I’ve mentioned this before to you all, but I have this weird thing (gift?) where people just tell me their life stories wherever I go. I was at a florist shop a few weeks ago with Ferris, and somehow the cashier started sharing with me that she is still in physical pain in her hips every day because of the way providers aggressively handled her legs while she was in the pushing phase of labor. I was able to give her some contacts in the area that she could use for physical support, but my goodness, this person had been living with a pain in her body, mind, and heart from a labor and birth that happened 40 years ago. She deserved more. I know this happened a long time ago, but if I was the first person to listen to her pain and story…we can do better. How can we do better? I guess listening? I mean, like really listening and seeing people as whole humans.
Maybe it’s a home birth midwife to review your previous birth notes to tell you, That didn’t have to happen to you. To tell you that those extra cervical exams that were done without your consent…yeah, those didn’t need to happen…and we’ll do whatever it takes to make sure your body doesn’t have to experience that again. You deserve informed consent.
Maybe it’s a doula to listen to you process your birth story. A while back I had an old friend from college reach out for a birth story listening session, and a short time later she was able to conceive again. Some might say this is a coincidence, but I have a whole body feeling that the letting go, the recognition of the lack of agency she experienced, the taking the power back through sharing, the moving forward…I actually believe it opened the body to what was next. If you’ve got a story to share, I’m here for you.
Folks who experienced trauma in labor & birth, as the birthing person or a witness. If you continue to revisit certain moments of friction from your experience, whether it happened weeks ago, or decades ago, it is absolutely worth exploring with a mental health professional. Your process will impact the way you treat yourself and others. Birth is not just a moment. It is a lifetime.
Maybe it’s a doula to say to your partner, and what was that first birth experience like for you? Because no one has ever asked you what it was like to have all of those providers urgently rush in the moment your baby was born. That s#@* is traumatic. How are you doing? How does that still live in your brain and body? I’m here for you.
Folks trying to conceive…how are you doing? I’ve got resources from families who have recommended fertility specialists whether you’re moving forward with IVF or reciprocal IVF or even just familiarizing yourself with modes of fertility awareness. I’m here for you.
Families who just experienced loss or maybe experienced loss some time ago? I’m more than happy to connect you with a support group or a friend who gets it. How are you doing? People tend to erase this from your experience and your story. I’m here for you.
Pregnant folks and partners…how are you? Need we mention what a strange time it is to be human? Never mind expecting one! You deserve more than what the world has got going on right now. I’m here for you.
You all deserve more. You deserve a doula.
Let’s connect.
With a lot of love,
Jen
P.s. All of the photographs in this blog were posted with permission and taken by me. I offer birth photography as well. You won’t regret this special add-on service.
P.p.s. I’m still sitting on a whole lot of content from dear Wind & Water friends who have vulnerably shared with me what it is like to witness birth. Keep an eye out for a future blog highlighting some of these gorgeously raw thoughts.
